evenfall

I just reread the post I wrote last night after two overnight shifts with no sleep what was I thinking. Some funny grammar and not totally coherent thoughts, the gist of what I was thinking is there so I’ll leave it as is.

It seems that as you get older the harder it is to keep track of old friends. I find that it is easier sometimes to have the excuse, I have been so busy. I apologize if you are one of those that are close that I have neglected. Now do not get me wrong I have actually been insanely busy this past year, going to school and working full time yes 75+hrs weeks were common until late fall. However there have been times where it was easier to be busy.

The strange thing is now that I have a full time job I still am having trouble not working too much. Between church responsibilities the once a week Dominos Driving that I do. at the end of which I have others demanding my time and I am incapable to give that to them.

I used to think that I was a good friend, but even the best of friends have their differences. There is investments to be made in those around us, the people that are chosen for us and for the people that we choose to get to know. My credit is low and I need to reconnect and enjoy fellowship and community.

It is my mission over the next few weeks to reconnect with as many friends as possible. The challenge is daunting I will update in a few days as I process this cool venture.

With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility!!!

One of the biggest moral conundrums comes from the reality that many people in this world see the atrocities and horrors of the world and do nothing. I have always struggled to see how we fool ourselves into believing that someone else is better to handle the situation at hand. Often we will say as we drive by a stranded motorist “somebody else will stop”, that is such a cop out. The truth is that we cant be bothered to get involved in the lives of others.

Even the way we give money is offkilter as we send money away from ourselves to aid some agency who is working on behalf of us. Now before the stones come out, let me say that we should continue to give to those agency. However let us realize that when we donate in that fashion we are removing the responsibilty from ourselves and the hassles that getting involved entail.

Peter Parker chooses to be Spiderman not because he has abilities that are extraordinary, he chooses that life because he is extraordinary. The archetype that is presented in him is that we need to live our lives in response to the world and not to be living our life according to our need.

On the flip side there are those who live the life of hero, because they need to, so that they feel whole…that is very unhealthy. Everyone has a unique attribute or gift that seperated them from the pack. It is with that gift we are able to give aid to those who live around us.

What is your power and what responsibility comes from it?

This brings back so many memories, How many do you know? I know them all maybe thats not good! 

A few years ago a bunch of friends and I were in a band…a pretty good one…and we had been asked to come to a youth group event and the youth pastor wanted a name so he could promote us properly…we had never had a name before and struggled with coming up with one.

One night I stumbled upon this word…o.k. the truth is I was looking at a thesaurus looking for cool names…but the word struck a chord internally with me. The main definition for evenfall is The time of day immediately following sunset. For me that is an awesome time of the day, the world seems to stop sometimes as it shifts and adjusts its focus from day to night and the first thing that we do whether we realize it or not look for reference points so that we do not lose our way.

I would like to think that this blog could serve as a reference point in the darkness. I am always open to questions about my faith and challenges are welcomed. Evenfall…the world enters into night.

The band name by the way…which was used only a few times as it was our last year in college and we all went on to bigger and better things…was evenfall3. The three being significant of our faith and belief in the trinity makeup of God…a whole other discussion for another post.

I will preface this with saying that I am not one of those believers who blindly follows because others say so. I do not merely walk away from a challenge to my faith as if it doesn’t matter. Christianity’s relevance to the world depends on the believer’s ability to be relevant to the world that surrounds them. Philosophers sometimes use the term ‘Spiderweb’ which refers to that a person(s) life can be refered to as a web. A web finds it strength in the way everything is interconnected, each point along the structure is connected to and depends on the other points for the ability to keep is shape. This means that if ever one point in the web is weakened or broken the whole web is affected.

Religion…Faith…Beliefs…take a significant amount of space on an individual’s web. Let’s say that if for some reason they are able to prove without a doubt that Jesus did not rise, what affect would a revelation like that would have on a web. It would unravel before everyone’s eyes. See the beautiful thing about a web is that it can be rebuilt, especially if the person is prepared and already actively working with what they know and what new is being learned in reference to that knowledge.

Unfortunately for many people who believe in the resurrection their belief structure is more like a brick wall. Which is unmoving and when a brick is removed the wall is compromised and as such when it falls it is not as easy to rebuild as you first have to clear the debris. The crazy thing is that amongst that rubble would be good ideas along with frivolous ones. Faith needs to be a living one one that engages the world and the individual.

 Now back to the issue at hand, the evidence has been presented in some way or another. It would appear that this is another challenge to Christiantity that rivals in severity as that of the DaVinci Code. While many believers have jumped up and joined the loud shouts of outrage. I look at it as another chance to learn and continue to develop what i believe. I must say that the first thing that leaps to mind is how they are able to prove genitically through DNA that the corpse is indeed Jesus. Where did they find the DNA to compare it to. Is there some box somewhere with hair folicles and viable blood samples that have somehow been preserved and that are directly linked to Jesus Christ. This may end up being the debate of the year, but as science once again is used to disprove Jesus, than what are we to do, what should be our response as believers. First, begin to work on your spiderweb, reinforce it around potential frailties that may lie in wait. Secondly pursue faith like never before, take the time to read what scholars on both side of the issue exclaim and discuss it with people who are also interested in the subject. Christians should not need to retreat and dissapear everytime there is a challenge in the way, It is in these time that we need to stand up and share what we believe and why.

What to do, what to do, what to do???

I am sure you have all had days where things are either going so great or so awful that you just freeze in your spot. Although we may face trials and celebrations on a daily basis but what do we do when a decision has to be made and we don’t know which way is up because our head is spinning with the apparent weight of the world around us. It can severly limit the direction that we take if we take any action at all. The truth is we all go through seasons and sometimes we just break under all that stress.

I remember when I was in grade 11, I found out that I had a heart problem a birth defect that needed to be addressed because I was deeply fatigued and would fall asleep quite easily. My heart had what is called a coartation of the aorta (it was narrowed) so my heart was pumping blood inconsistently and my heart beat was irregular. I remember making the decision to go ahead with the surgery quite clearly (but thats a story for another day). If I had not had the surgery the doctors said that I would not have lived to be 25…I just recently celebrated my 31st bday…for this I am thankful and believed that it was a blessing.

Heres the crux! I had lost my voice and 30kg as a result of the surgery and had my head shaved a few weeks before (more stories for another day). I really looked like I was on my deathbed, not a pretty sight.I had my surgery September 1st going into my grade 12 year, for which I had been elected to Student Council’s VP (very good memories). School started back up on the 8th of September and I was back to school as of the 21st. I felt fine (sure I had 38 staples in my back holding me all together) as I so needed to be part of the team and the goings on at my favorite place at the time. Many friends at the time were concerned and kept a watchful eye at that time.

I was foolish to go back so soon, it is a decision I regret now…not because I am unhealthy which I am not but because I did not realize that even when you are overwhelmed your body mind and soul picks up everything that is happening to you. When I had my surgery although I was sleeping and on serious medication, my body was registering every cut, tug and stitch as it was being violated. Trust me I know it sounds weird but it is true. Ihad not given my body enough time to recover from the shock and trauma that it went through. I had not given enough time to grieve. Although I was healed and had a full recovery physically my heart was still sick…I just did not know it yet.

Fast forward to February the following year, I went through one of the darkest seasons of my life during that month. I became depressed more so than normal although I never let on…there were quite a few sad watery nights. The strange part was that I was aware of what was going on and apparently seemed incapable of doing anything about it. This went on for sometime until I realized that I had to do something, anything that might get the wheel moving because I had grinded to halt. I’ll be honest with you the only thing that seemed to make a difference was prayer and my relationship with God. The more that I spent time reading and having solace instead of filling my head with noise to try and drownout the other noises that were threatening to cave in on me the clearer my head became.

The reason why I share this today is that I have to remind myself to continue to do what works for me…all too often it is easy to get distracted by more noise and as a result when we face those monumental decisions we freeze and stop. Every decision that we make influences the next, even what clothes we choose to wear can drastically change our day. For those who may read this and do not believe in God…that is ok…but maybe you should try some solace for a few moments everyday…I believe that if you do decisions that you must make will become easier.
“I can be changed by what happens to me. but i refuse to be reduced by it.”-Maya Angelou